[ Maybe doesn't do much for him. Not after months of maybes amounting in the end to where he is now. ]
Wouldn't that be nice. [ If what he did changed things. There's a very obvious, biting sarcasm to that, making it clear that he doesn't hold much hope that some ripple from their actions here may have done something that could lead to a path where he could actually be happy. ] But unless we can figure out some way around it, we won't know any of it, once this is over. [ Which was also on that little, stupid, optimistic list of his. When he learned about striking a separate deal with an orb. If, somehow, he could accomplish that, then maybe ... maybe it was somehow possible to avoid the chance of retaining no memory of this station and their missions, and after learning of Remi's presence on Xrisora ... maybe even a way to leave their mission behind them and not have to return from where they came from if they didn't have a reason to.
But with Blue not even here to make that choice, what good would it do now if it were even possible? Grief's twisted into bitter pessimism that's clear in his voice. Though despite it all, nothing extinguishes that desire he feels in the core of his heart to find a way and make it possible no matter how much that pessimism attempts to crush it down out of fear that something like this will just happen to him all over again. And he's barely dealing well with only this, after all this time.
...
He hates this.
He hates speaking of this.
He doesn't want this.
He feels a dull roar begin to work its way through every nerve of his body, threatening to consume him. So he speaks of something else - anything else, to keep it at bay. ]
The kitchen? [ It's not a yes or a no, but he asks: ] Why, are you hungry?
no subject
Wouldn't that be nice. [ If what he did changed things. There's a very obvious, biting sarcasm to that, making it clear that he doesn't hold much hope that some ripple from their actions here may have done something that could lead to a path where he could actually be happy. ] But unless we can figure out some way around it, we won't know any of it, once this is over. [ Which was also on that little, stupid, optimistic list of his. When he learned about striking a separate deal with an orb. If, somehow, he could accomplish that, then maybe ... maybe it was somehow possible to avoid the chance of retaining no memory of this station and their missions, and after learning of Remi's presence on Xrisora ... maybe even a way to leave their mission behind them and not have to return from where they came from if they didn't have a reason to.
But with Blue not even here to make that choice, what good would it do now if it were even possible? Grief's twisted into bitter pessimism that's clear in his voice. Though despite it all, nothing extinguishes that desire he feels in the core of his heart to find a way and make it possible no matter how much that pessimism attempts to crush it down out of fear that something like this will just happen to him all over again. And he's barely dealing well with only this, after all this time.
...
He hates this.
He hates speaking of this.
He doesn't want this.
He feels a dull roar begin to work its way through every nerve of his body, threatening to consume him. So he speaks of something else - anything else, to keep it at bay. ]
The kitchen? [ It's not a yes or a no, but he asks: ] Why, are you hungry?