[Zewu-jun's voice is muffled by the static in his ears, but he can hear the sound of it and discern the words if he tries very hard. Like trying to listen to someone while under water. He lifts his head to stare at Lan Wangji's brother—so like him and not anything like him at all. Maybe if Lan Wangji were more like him, he'd have been smart enough to stay away from Wei Wuxian.
Breathe, he says, and Wei Wuxian wants to make a joke of it. Isn't breathing easy? Doesn't it happen without any consideration at all? His aching lungs are proof to the contrary.
He lowers his eyes again and lets them fall closed.
He should probably listen to Zewu-jun. He parts his lips and tries to suck in a mouthful of air, but it hits a wall in the back of his throat and gets caught there, stuttering and shallow. Still he tries again, and then again until it starts to get easier, his inhales deeper and his exhales less tremulous.
I don't want to be here, he thinks all at once, the same way he did on that cliff in Nightless City. I don't want to be here anymore. Only there is no cliff to jump from this time, and he has a duty to remain. It isn't up to him. It doesn't matter what he wants. His eyes are still closed and he's breathing now, in and out just like he's supposed to, traitorous heart continuing to beat. If he had it in him to be embarrassed, he might not be able to look Zewu-jun in the eyes now, but he doesn't. Zewu-jun has seem him at far worse times than this.]
...she...she shouldn't have to know I'm here. [It's stupidly impractical and later he will realize it, but it's the only thing he can think of now. The only way forward that he can see.]
CW: suicidal thoughts
Breathe, he says, and Wei Wuxian wants to make a joke of it. Isn't breathing easy? Doesn't it happen without any consideration at all? His aching lungs are proof to the contrary.
He lowers his eyes again and lets them fall closed.
He should probably listen to Zewu-jun. He parts his lips and tries to suck in a mouthful of air, but it hits a wall in the back of his throat and gets caught there, stuttering and shallow. Still he tries again, and then again until it starts to get easier, his inhales deeper and his exhales less tremulous.
I don't want to be here, he thinks all at once, the same way he did on that cliff in Nightless City. I don't want to be here anymore. Only there is no cliff to jump from this time, and he has a duty to remain. It isn't up to him. It doesn't matter what he wants. His eyes are still closed and he's breathing now, in and out just like he's supposed to, traitorous heart continuing to beat. If he had it in him to be embarrassed, he might not be able to look Zewu-jun in the eyes now, but he doesn't. Zewu-jun has seem him at far worse times than this.]
...she...she shouldn't have to know I'm here. [It's stupidly impractical and later he will realize it, but it's the only thing he can think of now. The only way forward that he can see.]