Sam's fingertips feel numb, like he's about to crumble away into ash and dust and nothing once again, and for a moment he can't speak. They've done this once before already, and Steve's reaction now is proof that he doesn't remember. And as he's wont to do, Sam decides then and there to bury that for the time being. Steve is back, and doesn't remember being here before - and Sam's not gonna punish him for that. As for the rest, everything inside him coils into a tangled, complicated mess of feelings.
He remembers morning jogs and regaining his wings, pool games and safe houses, four years side by side near constantly, remembers throwing his life to the side without a second thought.
He remembers dying, remembers coming back, back to back battles against forces so beyond something a dude with a fancy jetpack should tango with.
Remembers living with Steve and Natasha for two years on the run, only to come back from the dead and be told that five years passed, that Natasha is dead.
Remembers the floor falling out from under him when Steve didn't appear back on that platform.
Remembers losing Natasha and Steve a second time when they disappeared off Ximilia Station within days of each other.
Grief has dug deep trenches into Sam Wilson. Six months of mourning his closest friends in the entire world, jostling a legacy he never asked to carry. For a moment, he's not sure what he's meant to feel here - relief, excitement, resentment, grief. Is he supposed to laugh, to cry, to yell? Pushes that down, too. He can untangle that with Bucky, the only person here who knows what this rollercoaster feels like.
So Sam puts the shield down with some care and steps forwards, meets Steve halfway for a hug. There's a part of him that doesn't want to, a part of him that wants to be petulant and resentful, push back against opening himself for hurt to be repeated. There's a part of him that is deeply, irrevocably hurt by what happened - not by Steve pursuing happiness or finding peace the way he did. Just by not being included in the talk about it. By being blindsided. By not getting to say goodbye before Steve lived out his life where Sam couldn't follow. By getting Steve back on Ximilia before, only to lose him all over again.
But the truth is that while it hurt, he doesn't resent Steve. Never could. The man's been through more than enough, and Sam knows with the entirety of his own too big heart that Steve thinks of others long before he thinks of himself - that it wasn't malicious that just this once, Steve didn't think things through.
So for now, he chooses to put the hurt aside. To focus on having that reunion that they never got. He meets Steve halfway, lets himself be pulled in, and hugs back tightly. Bit too tight for anyone else, but hey. What do you have a super soldier for if not hugs like this, right? It only takes a moment or him to hug Steve like he's missed him for months.
sorry again - this time for writing you an entire novel
He remembers morning jogs and regaining his wings, pool games and safe houses, four years side by side near constantly, remembers throwing his life to the side without a second thought.
He remembers dying, remembers coming back, back to back battles against forces so beyond something a dude with a fancy jetpack should tango with.
Remembers living with Steve and Natasha for two years on the run, only to come back from the dead and be told that five years passed, that Natasha is dead.
Remembers the floor falling out from under him when Steve didn't appear back on that platform.
Remembers losing Natasha and Steve a second time when they disappeared off Ximilia Station within days of each other.
Grief has dug deep trenches into Sam Wilson. Six months of mourning his closest friends in the entire world, jostling a legacy he never asked to carry. For a moment, he's not sure what he's meant to feel here - relief, excitement, resentment, grief. Is he supposed to laugh, to cry, to yell? Pushes that down, too. He can untangle that with Bucky, the only person here who knows what this rollercoaster feels like.
So Sam puts the shield down with some care and steps forwards, meets Steve halfway for a hug. There's a part of him that doesn't want to, a part of him that wants to be petulant and resentful, push back against opening himself for hurt to be repeated. There's a part of him that is deeply, irrevocably hurt by what happened - not by Steve pursuing happiness or finding peace the way he did. Just by not being included in the talk about it. By being blindsided. By not getting to say goodbye before Steve lived out his life where Sam couldn't follow. By getting Steve back on Ximilia before, only to lose him all over again.
But the truth is that while it hurt, he doesn't resent Steve. Never could. The man's been through more than enough, and Sam knows with the entirety of his own too big heart that Steve thinks of others long before he thinks of himself - that it wasn't malicious that just this once, Steve didn't think things through.
So for now, he chooses to put the hurt aside. To focus on having that reunion that they never got. He meets Steve halfway, lets himself be pulled in, and hugs back tightly. Bit too tight for anyone else, but hey. What do you have a super soldier for if not hugs like this, right? It only takes a moment or him to hug Steve like he's missed him for months.
"It's good to see you, man."
And Sam's relieved to discover that he means it.